Thank you mankind for anti-depressants!

I honestly believe they made a huge difference in helping reduce the sadness, hopelessness, guilt, frustration, anxiety, and spells of anger I was feeling and eliciting towards others. I started to enjoy some things I used to enjoy doing before Tyler was conceived like dancing and hanging out with my friends.

I was becoming less controlled by my emotions and more by my thoughts.
There was one book that I found while researching on the internet that was so incredibly instrumental in my healing that I can't emphasize enough how important it is for those who are suffering from this disease to read this book. It's called, This Isn't What I Expected: Overcoming Postpartum Depression by Karen R. Kleiman and Valerie D. Raskin. It not only explains what postpartum depression is and how it can be treated; but it does so in a way that is extremely compassionate and understanding.

When I was reading it, I remember thinking, “Yes! Thank you. Finally someone understands!” It even has a chapter for husbands to help them understand what their wives are going through and how they can help. I am forever indebted to this book because it gave me hope in the ability to overcome this disease and live my life as best as I could.

It's been almost four years now since the birth of my son. It is still hard being a mother to him because he is very emotional but I am constantly trying to work at it and be the best mother that I can be.

I found another counselor about eight months ago and I am finally really starting to deal with the anger buried so deep inside me from all those years of abuse. I know it will take a while yet to get to a place where I can truly say I am happy, but I refuse to give up hope for this reality. One day I will be happy.
No matter how long it takes, I will work at it until I get there.
I have to. M