I asked if I could meet her. I thought I might be a bright spot for her in her dreary days of hospitals, pain, doctors, medications, and treatments. I thought by meeting me, a total stranger who is bringing a bit of hope to her world, it might lift her spirits knowing that through her name, through this Ride, that she’d be helping come one step closer to finding a cure. Angie said she’d ask and let me know.

Two days later Angie left a voicemail message on my work phone asking me to come to the hospital that day to see Chris. She had taken a turn for the worse. My heart felt so very heavy in my chest and all I could think about was that she was so young.

This was not the way it was supposed to be for a woman her age. There is so much more life to live. I wished I had magic dust that I could sprinkle over her which had the ability to make this go away for her.

Meeting Chris

I decided to go see her on my lunch hour. She was in the Misericordia Hospital in Edmonton, which is a few blocks from my office. Before I left work, I wrote a letter to Chris, thinking she could either read it when alone, or have her husband read it to her if she was not up to reading it. I stopped at Safeway and bought a simple, but the most beautiful bouquet of carnations. They were in a vase filled with orange slices, completely round and bright orange. I had never seen a bouquet like this one. “It’s perfect,” I thought, and off I went to meet the woman whose life had such an impact on mine.

I peeked in Chris’ room, and looking back at me were about 20 faces, probably wondering who I was. I was apprehensive, feeling like I was treading on sacred family time. I thought I would just introduce myself to Chris and her family, talk a bit about the Ride, and then leave them to their bonding and healing time.

What I walked into was a room of sadness. Chris was unconscious and hadn’t been awake in more than 24 hours. As I stood there being introduced to her mother, father, children, nieces, nephews, and friends, I realized she was not going to make it. I found myself standing in the middle of the room, surrounded by Chris’ family while she lay in the bed, slowly slipping away.

Her mom asked me if I wanted some time alone with her, saying they would leave the room for me to chat with her. I said no, for two reasons; I didn’t want to take their time with their Chris, and I was unprepared to find her this way.

I thought that when it came time for the Ride, she would be there to cheer me on, or welcome me back from it. To this day, my biggest regret is not taking that moment with Chris.
But what I did do was read my letter. I stood up in the middle of the room, surrounded by her loving family. The room went silent as I and read my letter to Chris.

At that moment, I felt so connected to her.

She was so important to me and I was overwhelmed with emotion. I felt sad as I looked at her in her hospital bed. Such a beautiful woman. She seemed peaceful. Like she knew her entire family was around her. If I could feel the love in that room, I’m sure Chris did too. Her feet were uncovered revealing ten purple painted toneails complete with white painted flowers. Her toes were my focus point when I became emotional, as I read my letter and composed myself.

Make It Go Away

That visit stayed with me the entire day. I was not my usual self at work, and everyone noticed, even commented. I couldn’t stop thinking about Chris. After work I got into my car still thinking about her.

I even wondered if I should go see her again. I turned on the CD player, wanting some mellow music. I bypassed eight songs until the song Make It Go Away by Holly Cole started playing. I listened to it three times and it was so obvious to me at that exact moment that this song was Chris’ way of finding me.

This is not the way you should see
me.
This is not the face I recognize
Make it go away. Cause I am weak,
and this is more than one should have
to take.
There are reasons with silver linings
There are lessons but I dont care
Cause I just need a hand that I can
hold onto
When its darker than death out there

Make it go Away had such a powerful impact on me and renewed my commitment to Chris. It was like she was now a tired, weak soul and she was asking me to take over, to carry her.

I went back twice after that initial visit, thinking there was no way I could walk into their lives, their world and say “I’m riding for Chris,” then walk away.

I was connected.

Each visit, I met more of her family and friends. I would sit with her Mom as she told me stories about Chris and cried because she knew she was about lose her daughter. I comforted her with a hug, and encouragement of what a great life she had with Chris.
She said, “See, this is why you’re here. I thank you for coming here, and for doing this for our Chris.”

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